Double Happiness

A good knee-slapper from my friend Jason:

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited
about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the
wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?”

The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”

Jacob: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”

Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?”

Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: “How about Viagra?”

Pharmacist: “Of course.”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The works.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes
for Parkinson’s disease?”

Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers?”

Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes.”

Jacob: “We’d like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.”

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I am totally thrilled to announce that I have booked not only the DJ for our wedding, but THE DJ for our wedding.  This vendor search was another example of the “just trust your gut and don’t overcomplicate the screening process” theory — when I saw her website I just knew this was the one (biggest collection of ’80s New Wave I had seen anywhere).  Her name is Carol Moore with A Starry Night Elegant Disc Jockeys, and all the things people have said about her so far have been true.  As she put it in our initial phone conversation, their style is sort of the “anti-cheese.”  And she’s so friendly & upbeat!

Carol comes with such high recommendations that one of the DJs I had originally contacted directed me to her because he was already booked for our wedding date.  Apparently someone in his family was using her and was very pleased.  How about that.

So, a milestone can be checked off of the ginormous To Do list and I am super delighted about whom we were able to retain.  Yay!

Also, Dennis expressed interest in taking swing dancing lessons so I immediately signed us up at a local dance studio who specializes in private lessons (going to the studios who just do 8-week packages with a group and you have to learn ALL the dances didn’t excite us.  I don’t care about the Fox Trot).  We put on our dancing shoes Monday!

No way!  We could be action figures!

http://herobuilders.com/WeddingFavors/default.htm

:)  Scary, I know.  Had to share.

Been feeling a bit blue the past couple days, not entirely sure why but I imagine an element of PMS may be to blame.  But hey, wine helps.  As does coming clean with the FH (“future husband”).

I think I pretty much have a gut feeling for which DJ seems like the best fit, and the exercise of searching for one has been exemplary of how this process really seems to go – when you see one that makes you go “WOW!  Definitely gotta call this one,” it’s probably The One.  Whether that means DJ’s, reception sites, dresses, whatever . . . go with your gut.  You can even try to apply your Elaborate Screening Process to the candidates, but your gut will keep pointing you to That One.  So all we have left to do is meet with the officiant finalists in person and start screening photographers/ videographers.  Unfortunately the gut feeling I’m getting about photographers is that the one(s) I really like are Park Avenue caliber that will break our budget.  But ya never know.  Then I need to get that infernal dress and start talking to florists.

So why the bluedom?  We went to a jewelry repair place to have our engagement rings polished & mine resized, and Dennis’s needed to be rebrushed as well (the center between two grooves had a brushed effect; the ousides were plain platinum).  His came back ALL brushed, and he hated it — the jeweler couldn’t do anything about it at that point.  Dennis didn’t even want to put it back on.  I was just devistated — in his opinion his engagement ring was ruined.  I kept offering to take it somewhere else and have it redone to the way it was, but instead he kept rationalizing that it wasn’t that bad and that he could learn to live with it.    Just makes me really sad.  Also that To Do list is looming over me and for whatever reason I’m feeling a little alone about the whole planning & booking process.  I was sort of hoping the FH would be more of a contributor but I have had more trouble prying him away from World of Warcraft lately and I can’t pretend the wedding stuff has nothing to do with it.  And I’m sick of the word “overwhelmed.”  I want this to be fun!!!  I refuse to be stressed out by this wedding planning . . . thing!  Immutably I am a tom-boy and wedding planning is typically left up to the chicks, so I am trying to force myself to be as chick-ish as I can possibly muster.  While I’m not riding my motorcycle or playing video games.  [Sigh]  Maybe someone somewhere will tell me what the difference is between “apple”, “cherry”, “strawberry”, “claret”, “scarlet”, and “valentine” for bridesmaids dresses, or why I should care.  So I sat Dennis down a couple days ago and very mopily explained how overwhelmed I was, how much I dreaded bugging him with wedding To Do’s, and asked him to please, please help with the photographer search.  He agreed in an instant.  It just bothers me to load more on his plate because I sense how much he loathes any of this process, but hey, I loathe it just as much.  To procrastinate from starting the photographer search we replaced all the bathroom faucets in the entire house this weekend!  And if I read in ONE more place “How you both handle the wedding process is an indicator of how you will handle the marriage,” I will scream.

To note, right now he is in a Zul’ Gurub raid in World of Warcraft.  I am trying to price wholesale flowers to see if we can save money.  But hey, suck it up, Stef!  It’s your job!  You’re the bride!!

Last address left on the Save the Date Card list, and after one month of asking for it I finally e-mailed them myself.

Finding humor in all of this typically helps of course.  One of these wholesale flower distributors’ sites had these funny comments in their FAQ:

“Delays caused by force Majeure (acts of God, flood, tidal wave, bad weather, armed insurrection, Planetary takeover by Venusians/Martians, etc etc) are not necessarily covered.”

Planetary takeover!  I love it!!

“How do I know if the person I am marrying is the right one?
On the best advice of legal counsel, friends and relatives, we respectfully decline to touch this one with a very long stick!”

Ha!!!  They went there.

Also Dennis said the most Groomzilla thing I’ve ever heard and I had to share it.  When talking about the overall schedule of things the subject of wedding party gifts came up.  He suggested something he felt strongly about buying for his groom party and I asked, “Hmm, interesting idea.  But are you sure everyone would like that?”  His response?

“Who cares!?  I like it!”  Still cracks me up.

I’m also very excited that our friend Deb agreed to go with me gown shopping next month.  She also had some fabulous suggestions for bridesmaid dresses so I feel a bit relieved about that.  So we’ll make a day or a weekend of it in NY/ NJ or whatever and poke around a bit, and I can take her out to lunch/ dinner/ etc. and we’ll have fun!

Counting down the days until I can go cake tasting . . .

HA!  Another priceless piece of advice from theknot.com — this stuff cracks me up.  I’m trying to envision the contributer to this article when she decided, trying her best not to pick at her backside, ”Man, I gotta make sure other brides know about this.  This is hell!”

“To avoid the inevitable wedgie, which is pretty much impossible to fix in a wedding gown, wear pantyhose with a sewn-in cotton crotch or thong underwear. Again, if you’ve never worn a thong, try it first — this barely-there item is not for everyone, and some women compare the experience to having a permanent wedge.”

Classic.

Anytime I need a reality check from some of the wedding planning silliness the bridal industry (let’s call it “Big Bridal”) churns out, I love to turn to Indie Bride. These people are brilliant. The forums are my favorite part — it’s amazing how many women out there share similar opinions and circumstances of how they want their process of getting married to go. Plus there are outstanding references to wedding websites that literally make me laugh out loud with good, hearty belly laughs.

Some examples:

Slate.com’s Unidentifiable Wedding Gift contest winners http://www.slate.com/id/2145160/

And some examples of what they were looking for:  http://www.slate.com/id/2144176/    Dude, “pesto bong” — my face hurt from laughing.

Another tidbit I picked up from the forums — my bridal party from here on out shall be known as my “minions”.  Perfect!

Must . . . resist . . . urge to . . . procrastinate from . . . doing girly stuff.  Must . . . not . . . play World of Wacraft . . . until . . . finished . . .

2. [Trade] [Guzhta]:  WTB Wedding Planner, 50g OBO, PST

I always love finding brilliant little gems of advice from theknot.com.  Found this one regarding tips on DJ contract points:

“. . . include a ‘Macarena Clause’: If they play something on your written ‘Do Not Play’ list, they must deduct a small amount from the bill.”

I love it!

Also, I’m pretty sure one DJ company I’m not calling is called “Jive Patrol”.  Their ad features one white guy singing into a mic.  I don’t mean to slam them without knowing anything about them . . . but come on.  Jive Patrol.  Jive Patrol?

My sorta-sister-Sam called from TX this evening to accept my invitation to be bridesmaids on behalf of her sister Heather and herself. Yaaaaaay! And whew! I’m so excited!! I really wasn’t sure they’d be able to do it but looks like I was worried for nothin’. And now my wedding party is all set! Looks like it’ll be as follows:

Matron of Honor = Angie, my bestest friend
Bridesman = Tim, my brother
Bridesmaid = Sam, a close childhood family friend
Bridesmaid = Heather, a close childhood family friend
Bridesmaid = Tiffany, Dennis’s brother David’s fiancée

Now Dennis just has to get his squared away.

On a non-wedding note, we had another fantastic ride this evening. We headed south on the bikes for a quick sushi dinner followed by a sunset ride out to Fort Hancock on Sandy Hook. The sun was a giant red ball sitting on the surface of the water of the Raritan Bay (Sandy Hook Bay is north, Raritan is west) and the sky was clear and colorful. Boats and sailsurfers dotted the water. The air was warm and gentle and the breezes were strong. It just ain’t the same in a car. What made me smile just as much as the scenery was all the other bikers – almost every one would nod or lift a hand at us as we passed each other. It was like we were now members of a special community. When we got home I hugged Dennis and thanked him for helping my dreams become reality. I couldn’t have done it without him.

Today, most importantly, is Dennis’s birthday! The big 3-2, hehe. We finished work, headed to Red Bank for pasta at one of our favorite spots The Front Street Trattoria. After filling our bellies we walked over to Marine Park with a blankie and bug spray to enjoy An Evening With Kevin Smith, the writer and director of the indie classic Clerks, filmed at the famous Quick Stop convenience store two blocks from our house. The event is part of Netflix’s Rolling Roadshow, and this particular evening featured about 90 minutes of Q & A from fans followed by an outdoor screening of “Clerks.” We couldn’t really see because there was a giant tree in the center of our view of the portable screen, and every single person around us was chain smoking (not that I’m one of those “Smokers should live in an airtight basement!!” people, but with no breeze it was overwhelming). Not to mention the questions the people were coming up with were embarrassing to the rest of us who call ourselves Kevin Smith fans. I’m trying to figure out which was worse – the kid who said he’d give a guy a blow job to get a role in Hollywood on one of Kevin’s next films, or the kid behind him in line who announced he’d be happy to GET the blow job. Maybe the guy who wanted Kevin Smith to sign his dick was worse. I dunno, it was all bad. But Dennis and I were able to enjoy a beautiful sunset over the Navesink River relaxing on a blanket together on a hill in perfect weather doing something unusual, so nothing mattered – we were happy. He wanted to go riding so we ducked out before Clerks started rolling (which was good timing since the inflatable screen started to collapse) and headed home. I baked a white cake for him per his flavor request and set it out to cool before we started up the bikes.

What an awesome ride. The evening was cool and breezy which was a welcome relief from the steam-room 80-83 degrees I was used to riding in at midnight over the last couple weeks (80% humidity plus full riding gear = sticky stifling yuckiness), the moon was full and the sky was cloudless. Dennis had never been out to Rt. 36 before but was anxious to try it out. We took the faster road (35 mph) in our neighborhood to the next town south as a warm-up, then took the main street out to 36 (50 mph), took a right and headed to Belford on the other side of our town to turn around in the ferry terminal parking lot. The musky scent of marsh and brine was heavy in the air, but it felt clean and invigorating. There’s a road that starts close to the ferry terminal that twists through the wetlands, goes past a few local marinas, ends up who-knows-where, and is used by local car dealerships for impressive test drives. 1000 points to Dennis for remembering this road. Just breathtaking – the full moon was high enough that the entire route was illuminated blue, and the stars were everywhere. You could feel the temperature change between the residential streets and the marsh road, then feel the wind pick up when the road passed over water. At one angle on our way back we could see how close the Verazzano Bridge was across the bay with its green twinkling familiarity. Excellent route choice. I couldn’t help watching Dennis ahead on the road and saying inside my helmet, “Ya did good, hon, ya did good.”

We parked the bikes back in the garage and went inside to change clothes and eat the vanilla frosted birthday cake. We toasted flute glasses of cherry lambic and smiled. Life is good. The rest of the night would not be appropriate for blogging.

But that’s not all! I got a super awesome wonderful happy phone call this morning from Angie – she got my letter the night before and said, “Of COURSE I’ll be your Matron of Honor!” Woohooo! Yaaay! I was doing the Snoopy dance of glee (and relief!). Excellent news indeed.

I met Bruce the new catering manager today, and after putting the poor guy through a 2 ½ hour Q & A session I really, really want to say I’m relieved and that I have every bit of confidence that he will be just as suave with the details as David would have been . . . but I can’t.

In all that time he made eye contact maybe twice. That either tells me he’s very nervous or insincere. David was the king of eye contact – he was charming and engaging (sincere we’ll never know, but he had me convinced).

He’s a little rough around the edges. I hope I didn’t visibly cringe when he told me his last gig was The Brownstone, which was the place who had me on hold with 3 different idiotic people for 25 minutes just trying to make an appointment for us to survey the place – I had told them “oh forget it!” I’m a little apprehensive about the “improvements” he wants to make to the menu and décor. When I asked him if he keeps copies of all correspondence so that we both have records in writing of what is agreed upon, he paused and said, “Uh, yeah” like this was the first time he had heard of that. David’s mention of this practice was the first time I had heard of it.

He doesn’t seem quite as worldly — David seemed to have been everywhere and was fluent in Japanese. The new guy’s resume is otherwise basically a family business in NJ and a hotel. The first question he asked me when he opened our file was “So . . . Dennis is Asian? Okay, so we’ll try to accommodate his, uh, cuisine tastes . . .” like he was FOB or something and incapable of eating filet mignon. At least he said “Asian” instead of “Oriental.” Another example of where I bet there’d be a difference is chopsticks. We got a tip from Dennis’s cousin Andrew’s wedding last month to ask whether the chopsticks are wooden take-out ones or plastic banquet ones. Who’da thought! But the only time they’ll really be necessary at our wedding is for the cocktail hour for the sushi station. So I’d need to ask: “Are wooden ones ok for the cocktail hour? Or would plastic be more appropriate?” If someone were to ask ME that question I would immediately answer, “WHO THE HELL CARES???” [Sigh.] Anyway, David, I know, would know the answer. Bruce? I’m not so sure.

The other concern I have is that his words and body language told me that he prefers cookie-cutter traditional weddings, probably a byproduct of his career in the little family wedding business in NJ. “Too much deviation from the norm overcomplicates things,” he kept saying. Actually, our deviations from the norm are meant to simplify as well as personalize. I definitely did not hear a “whatever you want to do” attitude. He clearly doesn’t like outdoor ceremonies either.

Also I gave him the risk management spiel and was not super thrilled with some of his answers. I like that he’d rather not bother us when we’re supposed to be having fun, but I’d rather know if a relative was drunk and disorderly before they start watering down his/her drinks, ya know? And I’d much rather they went with the subtle approach of watering down drinks for troublemakers rather than just cut them off and risk causing a scene. We didn’t agree on that philosophy. Ah well, it’s a lot of “what ifs” to really be worried – I’m sure everything will be just fine. At least I’ll keep telling myself that.

But don’t get me wrong, I like Bruce. He is overall warm and friendly; he does give the impression that he wants the wedding to go very well. He is thoughtful and attentive to details – he took me on another walkthrough so I could visualize the reception, where the DJ would be, TIMING, etc. He was really big on timing, which impressed the hell out of me. Stuff I’d never have thought of! I fully admit that I went into the meeting biased, and I’m willing to give him a chance. (Not that I have too much of a choice – David actually left the business due to a family illness, which just breaks my heart for his sake – it’s too late and too costly to go find another venue). I just need to practice turning off the Project Manager and turn on the happy, easy-going bride. And I don’t mean The Bride in the Uma Thurman sense.

It’ll be fine!